Friday, February 27, 2009

16 things I love and hate about you, me.

Following on the mental wittering from eariler today, I felt the urge to offer another 'piece of me', as Skid Row might say (if we were still living in 1989). Aye, it's that terrible viral social network set of questions, but I considered that it might be worth using on this blog. Be thankful I can't tag anyone. Anyway, it occurred to me I don't really open up much on Domesticated Words, and this might be an excuse to throw in a little colour about the gent who wastes his time writing it.

1. I once modeled a fish tank. About 14, in Braintree, with a photographer and a fish tank. I can't recollect why, and I'm not sure anyone really cares. Sometimes I feel it's best to consider it a dream.

2. I despise/fail to comprehend the "Sell-My-House" genre of television shows. The appear to focus on rich, upper middle class couples who are having trouble either upgrading their three-quarter of a million pound town house for a nice place in the country, or deeply distressed at being unable to find a nice villa in Spain for their holiday home. One I find bewildering is these shows are on during the day and are presumably demographically geared to those who probably haven't a job or the money to be anywhere near the bracket of consumers buying houses on their TV set. Is this just another example of how society intensifies its high-expectations of life? By living the lives of the wealthy via their digi-box? Is that not a little sad? Can't we just enjoy our own lives - or at least try?

3. I'm not religious nor proudly atheistic. I gave up caring. I don't like the label of agnostic either. divorce myself from any considerations of Faith. It's just not worth the energy - better to spend it on focusing in the present that speculating about things you cannot ascertain either way.

4. I don't enjoy conversations with stupid people, and by extension, children. Oh so I thought. I enjoyed doing a load of art workshops for children through 2008 (6-10 year olds). Discovered a lot of kids are brighter than their adult counterparts and seem to be far better educated school in grammar and reading than a few peers I know. So yah, I don't enjoy conversations with stupid people, and by extension, those more stupid than kids. At least children have a bloody excuse, what ours, eh?

5. I'm getting older. I know this for a fact: I am less worried about my haircut (just simply thankful I still have some), I wear dressing gowns occasionally and no longer have any affinity with the music of the young. I also have a couple of grey hairs and some wrinkles around my thumb. Look for yourself: do you have wrinkles around your thumb?

6. I have a strange fixation with Police Boxes. My childhood love has carried with me into adult hood. I have a Police box telephone, USB box, money box (times three), toy (multiply by two), die-cast model and cardboard model. Actually, I'm getting fairly sick of police boxes. Seems to me that age old trick about force feeding teen smokers cigarettes may carry some relevance in nerdy circles too.

7. I still carry a particularly potent childhood fear. A certain film freaked me out as a kid and still does as an adult - despite having seen, read and played a great deal of the franchise. Still get nightmares of watching the film as a kid who has not seen it, picturing it as I imagined as a child not as the film actually was when I eventually saw it. Weird. And disturbing. If you can confront your fears and still suffer, what chances are there you'll ever grow out of them? What's weird is I have no issue with the theme when its been played out in other films/books. It's simply a childhood hysteria that has never dislodged.

8. Dirk Benedict changed my life - but not in the way he would have ideally preferred. After bashfully seeing him in Celebrity Big Brother, I found myself questioning my food somewhat more closely. I bought his book and read his opinions on food, sugar and health. I didn't agree with all he said - he is a big believer in macrobiotic which I find an overtly simplified expression of bodily function - nevertheless, i began to question what I ate. I no longer eat red meats, I enjoy fruit, green tea, caffeine and a reduction in sugars and fats. Okay, I do occasionally have an ice bun, hot chocolate or an ice cream, but largely my diet changed from exposure to the strongly held opinions and beliefs.... of that guy from the A-Team. I even dedicated a book to him. Creepy, n'est pas?

8. I can't stand the sound of people eating. I would make everyone stop if they wouldn't all bloody well die without doing it.

9. I'm not a people's person. A colleague mentioned to me today how when in an informal meeting I visibly snubbed a couple of his friend who joined inadvertently. Apparently the glower I wore told all I wasn't happy. Bizarrely, I never realised I was so inadvertently expression-able. I can socialise and if in the right mood start playing for attention. I can be cheeky, loud and offensive, but among people I'm comfortable with, I'm quite a quiet person. A rather unfortunate blend of introvert and extrovert - all at the wrong time.

10. I never went on holiday as a child - unless you call going to grandmother's at the school holidays a vacation. I don't.

11. I have massive respect for bi, tri and upward linguals. Always been terrible with languages. Partially a memory thing, partially a confidence thing, partially a pride thing. Those who speak more than one language fluently are objects d'art for me. There, threw in a little French - just for an inappropriate measure.

12. I love arguing, and I hate myself for that. I do enjoy a debate, but the debates are something I take rather personally and thereby can find myself getting irritated very quickly. I tend to avoid them these days.

13. I miss the South. Born in the North, raised primarily in the South, live currently in the North of England. While I do very much dislike Essex and the candor/accent that comes with it, I must confess I always feel more at home around London.

14. I like to edit music in my spare time. I did spend a few years studying and performing music - but only very occasionally pick up a guitar/open the larynx. Not written a song in years. But I do like to edit music. Nothing fancy, but pulling a song I enjoy and re-editing for a more personally preferable cut is always a pleasant pastime. I can spend hours editing music.

15. Sports have never agreed with me. Not sure why. I was always a frail sort of turkey at school, never quite confident with my physical appearance and I think that very much translated into how well I performed at sports. That lack of confidence seemed to follow me through all sports, even the recreational type such as playing pool. It's amazing how much self belief is required in sports, and I think losing that conviction early on stained my enjoyment in sports very young. Or perhaps I was just naturally crap at anything requiring agility.

16. I find it hard to display affection - as such I tend to do it through insults. Which tends to eventually piss people off. If you are one of those such people - my apologies, I only insult people I care about - if I didn't like you, I wouldn't bother. A small disclaimer. According to a therapist a few years back this was a learned behaviour from my father and because I'm a rather sensitive old bean this cause a bit of conflict, resulting in keeping people I care for at a distance until they biff off. I think I've got worse of late, something I must try and remedy.

So there you go. 16 observations you can use against me in a court of law (if you wished to choose a particularly meaningless setting for a confrontation). Thanks to Ramon.

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